Three, Two!
by BADAZZtoldya
Summary: You don't wake Malik up at five in the morning, it's just common sense at that point.
1. Chapter 1

**I absolutely love the pairing of these two. Grumpy + Arrogant = awww s*****

**Disclaimer: Maybe if I bribed the company that own Assassins Creed with donuts, they will give it to meeeeee O_o But for now, I don't own anything.**

"Malik." Don't move, and he might leave.

"Malik?" He will leave, just ignore him Malik.

"Malik?" Just a little while longer…

"MALIK!"

"AH!" Thump. "Altair dammit! What the hell do you want?" Malik asked, rubbing the part of his head that had collided with the floor.

"I needed to talk to you," Altair shrugged innocently. Giving his supposed friend a cold glare, Malik sat up and attempted to find some clothes, seeing that his sleeping boxers were not very covering. After pulling on a pair of pants (being tired had its downs), Malik walked out to his desk and lazily leaned into his chair.

"Now, what is so important that your thick head felt the need to shove me out of my bed and sleep?" Altair hardly paid attention to the insult and licked his lips before speaking.

"Do you like the color red or blue more?" Malik blinked his eyes a few time before looking Altair directly in the eye

"Do I what? This is why you woke me? To ask me which stupid color I preferred? Altair, I will count to ten, and by that time, you better be the hell out of my bureau or I swear to the gods of Jerusalem I will kill you myself!" he screamed, pulling a sword from the pot beside him. Altair took a cautious step backwards.

"Now wait, I'm serious Malik."

"Three, Two!-"

"I was going to give you a gift!"

"ALTAIR!" Seeing Malik come at him like a raging bull made him shut his mouth and run for the exit to the bureau.

"Malik! Reason with me for a moment!" he shouted, pulling his legs over the edge.

"I do not need any reasoning at five in the morning!" he screamed, aiming his sword and throwing it at Altair. Without a second thought, Altair made a mad dash for it as he heard Malik run up the wall after him. When the coast was clear, Altair sat down to cool off in the heat. After seeing Malik red with furry like that, he decided that the red diamond blade embroidered with golden silk, and custom seal leather from the northern edge of Antarctica would be more suiting. Guess the old grumpy Dai would have to wait until the afternoon to receive it…

**And that children, is why you don't chase people out of your home when they shove you out of bed to ask which color you like better (-; I might add a chapter to see how it goes, but I will let my reviewers decide on that…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to all my reviewers, and since it seems you all wanted another chapter, I shall give you one! And to my special reviewer Kirrae, I accept your challenge! Amusez-vous!**

**Disclaimer: I could say that I own all of Assassins Creed, but then I would be lying…**

It had been seven hours since Malik had chased Altair out of the bureau and into the unforgiving heat of Jerusalem.

"Seems like a reasonable amount of time for someone to cool off, giving the fact that it _is _Malik," Altair said to no one unparticular. Leaping out of the roof garden, he ran across the rooftops with ease before arriving at the bureau. Taking a deep breath, Altair entered quietly, hoping not arouse a fight with Malik immediately. Peeking around the corner, he saw Malik drawing his maps.

"This is it," he whispered, pulling out the blade he's bought for Malik. Walking into the room, Malik opened his mouth to speak, but knowing what was to come, Altair beat him to it.

"I got you a very special present that I think you will really like because half of it was custom made and it has diamonds in it and since you didn't tell me which color you liked this morning I made a guess and got you this!" he almost shouted, taking in a deep breath while holding out the sword. Malik took a cautious step towards the other, wondering why Altair was acting so strangely. As he unwrapped this new found _gift_, he was shocked to find a beautiful blade inside. The red diamond inside the handle was followed by smaller but similar jewels that trailed down the handle like a tail. The leather was extremely soft, but easy to grip, and the golden silk was carefully embodied _into _the blade itself. So this was what Altair had woken him up to give to him. Still angry about the morning incident, he shrugged.

"It's impressive, but I have seen better." Altair snorted, almost as if he expected his friend to act this way. As a speaker before thinker, the worst possible thing came out of his mouth.

"You know why I picked red?" Malik turned to look him in the eye, sensing that something terrible was about to go down.

"If you think it wise, then tell me," he said, almost growling. With a smirk, he began back away towards the roof, knowing that nothing good could come from this.

"Thought it would go well with your temper!"

"Altair!" As Malik leapt over the counter, Altair was already running up the wall and away. Feeling a sense of triumph, he heard a quick lock behind him.

"Malik!" looking down into the bureau, he saw Malik grinning, hold a key in his hand.

"Sorry novice, bureau won't open til tomorrow. I'm closed for the day."

"You'll have to let the others in that come by!" he cried, reaching for the key that Malik teased him with.

"You seem to be the only one that is in Jerusalem this week," he said tossing the key into the air, inches away from Altair's hand, then snatching it back into his hand.

"Malik! It's the middle of the day out here!"

"So?"

"It's hot!" Malik turned his back and laughed.

"So?"

**Took me all day, but I figured it was worth the wait. Really hope everyone likes it ****J**


	3. Chapter 3

**This was a little idea that came to me. I also wanted to try some new techniques in my writing. Enjoy and please review! Disclaimer is now on my page.**

"Ugh." …

"Ugh!" …

"UGHHH!"

"Altair, shut the hell up!" Malik shouted from the desk.

"But it's HOT!" Altair whined childishly. Malik smirked evilly from his spot in the shade.

"Regret that little comment you made earlier?" he challenged.

"Of course not! I spoke the truth, you have a bad temper!" Altair scoffed.

"Nothing is true Altair, and my temper is tolerable when I do not have to deal with you. Believe it or not, but there is this thing called Peace that visits quite often when you are not here."

"Please, Malik. If out Master knew about you and that hot head of yours, our creed would have a whole new meaning. Now enough with the usless arguing and let me in!" Malik set his quill down and walked out to the small courtyard. There lie Altair on the lattice with his arm hanging through.

"Well you are a pitiful sight," Mailk sniffed.

"Sure, sure, I suppose. Now let me in," Altair rolled his eyes.

"Mmm, no." Malik turned on his heals to leave.

"Ah wait, no! Allahdammit!"

~ A couple hours later ~

The heat of the hot Jerusalem sun finally had Altair squirming.

"This is disgusting," he said aloud to himself, "I'm lying in a pool of my own sweat for Allah sake!" He paused for a moment and looked and his throwing knife belt.

"I can pick the damn lock. Sucks shit that it took me this long to figure that out." Hopping out of the souk above the bureau, he snuck quietly down to the hatch. If Malik heard him, he'd kick his ass out and lock the latch again with something more difficult to open. With a small click, he removed the lock, opened the lattice and dropped quietly into the courtyard. Looking around the corner of the doorway, he noticed Malik was nowhere insight. Standing out of his crouch, Altair walked haughtily into the shaded room.

Easy, he smiled to himself. As he picked a ripe apple from the basket on the desk, he felt numbingly cold steel press against the back of his exposed neck.

"How rude, you forgot to ask," said a thick Arabic voice, dripping with sarcasm and anger. Frozen to the spot, Altair tilted his head slightly to the side to get a better view of the other. There stood a slightly impressed and beyond pissed Malik.

"Malik."

"Novice. How did you get in exactly?" he growled, pushing the blade deeper against Altair's neck.

"I'll give you the dull details." Altair offered. If Malik was going to kick him out again, he at least wanted to get back in with the same ease.

"Speak then. I was hoping to use my new blade on a dummy anyways."

"I could beat you in a sword fight anyways," Altair challenged proudly.

"Because my name isn't the King of Swords, right?" Shit, forgot that one, Altair thought. "And besides, do you plan to fight me off with your little throwing blades?" Altair furrowed his brows and glanced at his sheath, or at least where it should be. He must have left it in the souk with his armor.

"That could be a possibility," he mumbled.

"How long do you think it would take you to get out of my bureau?" Malik asked calmly. Altair paused a moment at the awkward question.

"Ugh, four seconds, I suppose?"

"Then I shall give you three before I test my new sword on your meaty neck"

"Before what?"

"Two-"

"Shit Malik!" Altair cried angrily and he dashed for the entrance for the third time that day. Instead of leaving completely, he sat on the edge with a throwing knife in his hand. Malik walked out coolly with the decorated blade in his hand.

"The idea was for you to get out completely," he grimaced.

"Don't kick me out again. It's hot! I could die of heat stroke!" Altair growled like a bothered cat.

"Quit your whining and move." Refusively, Altair obeyed. Locking the lattice once more, Altair continued to yowl and whine.

"Go away Altair!" Malik threatened, poking the sword through the latch and Altair's wondering hands. "And stay away from the lock!" Altair watched him march away. When he was sure the other was out of sight, he reattached his sword and armor and went to open the lock with Malik's spare key.

"What a fool," he chuckled…

**Well that was fun. I had to get it out of my system. It was just a thought that popped into my head and I figured that it could fir in easily with this fic already. Was it a good add on, bad idea to keep it going? You're the reviewer so lemme know! :3**


	4. Chapter 4

**I was going through my files trying to find my essay that is **_**still **_**due…. (ahem) anyways! I wanted add this to my series that I have going here. Hope you enjoy it!**

Malik sat back as he took in the serenity and peace of his bureau. Finally, he had cleaned and decorated the space with incense, plush pillows and several of his favorite books lining the shelves; and there were no assassins to bother him and his free afternoon. With no life saving or feather delivering, he decided a nap would do perfectly. Settling back into the pillows, he closed his eyes.

"Psst! Malik!" No, no, no, no, no…

"Ma_liiik!_ Psssst! Open the lattice!" Such a waste, he thought as he walked into the outdoor garden.

"Malik it's me! Malik, it's Alta-"

"I know who you are, stupid novice!" he grumbled, slowly untying the entrance. He'd had enough of this novice bothering him.

"Now, I will ask this only once," he breathed, "Why the HELL ARE YOU HERE!" Altair raised his eyebrows and shrugged, not offended by the other's normal temper.

"Needed a place to sleep."

"Go sleep in the souk. Stupid novice, ruining my afternoon off…" he muttered sleepily as he walked back over to his pillows. "Today was supposed to be my day off Altair! So no sounds while I sleep. And no hurting yourself, or knocking things over. You know what? Don't do anything that will bother me, or you sleep with the Templar's." Yawning as he turned over into the pillows, he heard Altair hop over the counter and go through his things.

"Stay out of my personal items novice." Hearing the other sigh in frustration, he closed his eyes once again. Drifting in and out of consciousness, a loud crash jerked him awake as he held a dagger defensively across his face. A few lame curses were heard from the other room and Malik cried out in frustration.

"Novice! What did you do _now_?" He stood and walked into the small room. There on the floor was a sprawled Altair, a broken pot, and the rice that covered the floor. Altair smiled pathetically from his spot.

"Ok, now, this was an accident." he laughed nervously. Malik could swear he had steam coming from his ears.

"Tell me Altair," Malik spoke softly, turning his back to the other man, "what must I do, to get some PEACE… _and quiet_." The last part came out as a hushed hiss.

"Make me a bowl of rice and vegetables?" Altair grinned apologetically, holding up the empty rice bag. Malik ran a hand over his exhausted face.

"Fine," he sighed, finally giving up, "but clean up the mess first. I am not going out to buy more groceries because of your stupidity." Altair silently complied. While he was cleaning up the rice, Malik walked past the camouflage drape the hid the back rooms, and into the kitchen. After he set a pan of water over a small flame, Altair walked in with the almost full bag of rice.

"I don't know where the rest of it went, but here is most of it." Altair grinned stupidly. Malik however, was anything but impressed.

"You must be proud. I hear many arrogant novices don't know how to pick up rice, but oh! You sure proved me wrong," Malik exclaimed, his voice oozing with sarcasm. He slowly continued to cut up small vegetables for the meal.

"_Just jealous cause I can scoop up things with _two _hands!_" Altair mumbled under his breath. Unfortunately, Malik picked up the daring comment.

"Sounds like someone isn't that hungry I guess," he shrugged, carry the tray over to the waste bin.

"NO! Wait!" Altair exclaimed as Malik held the food just inches over the trash. Malik leaned his weight onto one foot femininely and waited for an apology.

"I'm sorry… just really hungry. Are you almost done?"

"Are you still a novice?" Malik retorted. Altair was stuck on his rhetorical question. _Maybe if I say yes, then the meal will be done! Oh…wait. But I'm not! But, then I won't get dinner…_

"You think too loudly, Altair. The meal is done," Malik groaned, impatient for Altair to answer the stupid question.

"But I'm not a novice!" "Yes you are. Now eat." Altair grimaced, but silently agreed as his stomach growled. As he reached for the bowl that Malik was about to hand him, a small piece of metal fell from his sleeve. The two froze. On the floor was a key that looked awfully familiar to that of the one that would open the lock to the lattice…

"Altair…" Malik began slowly, but Altair cut him short.

"I know, three two one, I'm going," Altair sighed angrily, kicking himself out of the bureau. From his spot on the ledge of the opening, Malik closed the lattice, but didn't lock it.

"What? Afraid that I will break in again?" Altair snorted now that he was a safe distance from the A-Sayf.

"I figured you would be more afraid of what would happen _after _you broke in," Malik growled menacingly. Finally something that Altair couldn't argue with.

"Can I have my food at least?" Altair asked pleadingly. Malik sighed and walked back into the room. When he came back out, he tossed a yellow object up to Altair and walked into the shaded room, laughing evilly to himself. Altair's face fell like a kicked puppy's.

"But I hate bananas!"

**Question to my reviewers: Why do you think Altair hates bananas!**

**Sorry guys, no Mantrums from Malik! But I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did... MWAHAHA! OvO**


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